Finally… for two reasons. Number 1: I’ve finally managed to post something more than three sentences long. Number 2: I’ve finally managed a change in meds.
Well since I’ve pretty much left Canterbury for the time being, what with uni being finished and therefore not having anywhere to live at the moment, I thought it would be a good idea to squeeze in one last appointment with the psychiatrist and have one more bash at getting my meds changed. This time around I whipped up a quick graph showing my mood swings for the last month and how they have been largely unaffected by the seroquel. The meds made a difference, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that the benefits did not outweigh the side effects. Not even slightly. So anyway, I hand over this mood chart, the psychiatrist finally agrees with me and asks what I want, to which I answer that I would like something weight neutral (after my 2 stone weight gain on seroquel) and something that didn’t make me too sleepy, so now I have abilify. She tried to convince me that I’d been on this before, but after much checking through papers and such, she realised that I was right. Psychiatrists eh. Having read around the internet a bit, it seems as though not everyone is finding this drug weight neutral, but I guess everyone will have different reactions. A suspicion occurs however, if some people gain weight and others lose weight, maybe in psychiatry land this equates to weight neutral, what with -1 +1 = 0. That would be very typical of my experience with these people at least. I’ve been on abilify for three days now and have had the same side effects I get with every new drug, namely headaches, nausea and dizziness. I thought that was all I was getting but then remembered that my sleep patterns have been terrible since I started. I’ve been finally falling asleep around 3am then waking up every hour or so before finally waking up properly at around 7am, so I think I might have a touch of insomnia, but fingers crossed it’ll go away nice and quickly. I need my sleep. I’m also feeling a little restless and fidgety, but not so much that I can’t cope with it.
I’m back in Eastbourne now, as I said, and so far it’s ok but I want out as soon as possible. It’s a matter of time before I feel to stifled, too nagged, so I have to find a job that’ll pay enough for me to move out but doesn’t require a good degree. Remember I screwed up my exams? Hopefully I still be able to get the 40% from the resits and pass the damn thing. A fifth year at uni is just not an option financially, emotionally and practically. I still have a couple of essays to do, but frankly I lack the concentration span. I suppose I should tie myself to the chair, disable the internet and just write. I’ll still find something to distract myself with though. Wish me luck.

